So, next weekend my husband has his annual fishing trip. The men in our ward go down to Jacob's lake and go fishing for the weekend. He went the first year we moved here and he loved it. He goes every year and this year it is quickly approaching. To fast... to soon.. and I don't want him to go.
Sitting here crying just thinking about him being gone for 2 nights and 3 days. If I ask him to stay he would, but he would resent it the whole time. Not to my face, of course, because he is better than that, but secretly I know he would just hate not going.
After all someone needs to escape this dark whole I call my life, why not him? I'm so not looking forward to it... I don't know if my sanity will survive, or my kids for that matter. I don't know what to do because he needs a break too, but who is worse off? Me staying with the kids while he is gone enjoying the sunlight, and the male bonding while I am here, not sleeping, crying, pumping, dealing with kids that I just want to toss right out the window....
Maybe today is a really bad day because I went to bed at 1030-11 and baby woke me up at 5. I had to pump and feed him the bottle and he didn't go to sleep until 630, which was nice that he finally went to sleep, but then I had to get the other kids up at 700 because it takes a whole freaking hour to GET. DRESSED. IN. THE. MORNING! and eat breakfast. and now I'm sitting at the computer with tears streaming down my face because baby won't take a nap, I'm tired, I'm absolutely devastated that he won't nurse, not even suckle any more, and I hate my life! All I can think about is my husbands leaving, soon it will be Easter where I get to see my wonderful sister in law nursing her perfect little baby, while I deal with the pain in my heart, the stabbing, aching pain in my heart because my baby won't nurse.
As Nacho Libre so wonderfully put.... "IT SUCKS TO BE ME RIGHT NOW!"
Oh, and I really don't want my husband to go on the fishing trip!
Really...
Really, really...
Really!
2 comments:
I'm going to be honest and say that I find it kind of appalling that your husband would leave you at a time like this. The lake will always be there but his support is essential right now. Can't he at least take the kids with him? If only the older ones? Or can relatives take them? Or can a friend come and stay with you? You should have continuous support right now.
Chandelle... I know! I have been thinking about asking my mother in law to come up while he is gone, if he still chooses to go. All I can think about is today... that's all my brain can do.
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