32

What the crap? Today I was sitting on my lawn with my baby just watching him discover grass when a fairly decent young man came riding by on his bike. Of course I looked...at the BOY riding on his bike. You know, the Tony Hawk riding on his bike, kind of bike. Anyway, the boy/young man had a beard so he had to be what? 19? 20? (please) Then, like a ton of bricks it hit my blessed head. I'm freaking 32 years old. Did you hear me? 32! What the crap am I doing looking at a 20 year old boy (oh my wonderful cougar self)?

snort

I'm 32 and I'm sure that 20 year olds are not looking at my frumpy Fatty McFatterson and the twin self? No... no, surely they are looking at other freaking hot Daisy Duke type 20 year olds.

Of course, it doesn't matter if they look at me because I'm married and all... happily... but still...

Piss.

I'm 32 and have 4 kids. When did that happen?

Rebelling

So, something is wrong with me. I'm rebelling and bad, so bad that I eat a whole tub of ice cream, down more than 40 oz of diet Mountain Dew and a large popcorn in one day. I'm exercising everyday and I swear to you that damn scale doesn't know. Okay, so maybe it's not the scales fault but it should know that even though I am exercising it should negate the calories that I have just consumed and then some. I should be skinny.....

...but I'm not! I'm Fatty McFatterson with a twin sister, attached at the gut! Her wonderful name is Fluffy MuffinTop. She's darling (belch) really she is.... adorable. They play all sorts of games together. Games like RedRover, Hide and go Seek, Say Say oh Playmate...It's a blast down there. Really it is.

And, I just sit and enjoy the show... er.. um.. belch. No not really. I just sit there and think "WHY THE HELL AM I SO FAT?"

So, I'm rebelling. I had four servings of brownies today. Why? WHY?? WHY DID I HAVE TO HAVE F.O.U.R?

Yes, that's right I said four, and the sad part is I care, but then I don't. Maybe I'm on drugs or something? Ya, no... that never works out for people in MY family. So... um... maybe MY problem isn't so much the drugs but the damn sugar.

CURSE YOU SUGAR... CURSE YOU ALL TO HELL!

anyone want a brownie... no? I have ice cream that I just had to buy because it was on sale and I had a coupon. Like I bought 10 cartons of it...

So, I have no idea why I'm still fat, and why I love sugar and why my exercising isn't curing me of my ridiculous obsession of sugar.

sigh.................................

Mountain Dew

So, ya, I have a new love. I am completely and utterly hooked on Mtn Dew. I hate pop! I don't drink it, but since I had my little one... well I should say, since I have stopped pumping I eat crap food and have found my new love. I have also discovered how I like my pop. I don't care for it straight from the can. It's good the first drink or two, but then it gets warm and yucky. I like my pop in a wonderfully large cup of ice.

I've been reading this book and the author addresses why we 'need' things. She asks the question what is it about the cigarette that you need? For me, what is it about the pop I need... hum... let me just answer those questions.

1. It makes me feel good inside
2. It makes me feel really good inside
3. It makes me not hate the fact that my husband works out of town
4. It makes me feel good inside.
5. It makes me not want to yell at my kids so much
6. It makes me feel good inside.

So... I think that about sums it up.

In the back of my mind I think, high fructose corn syrup is so bad for you, caffeine is so not good for you and you totally could get addicted, and it's sugar and will probably give me major fat dimples, and on and on... and then..

Then... I sigh and think...

I .DON'T. CARE.

sure does taste good though......

Now Lisa, would mind loaning me your rabbit pop ice maker so I can sit back and drink my problems away? Thanks suredoloveya~

Cat fight

Started a fight in RS today. The lesson was on the Priesthood and the teacher was talking about the Young Men in our time and how they differ from, say, pioneers and how at the age of 14 their adult life was just beginning. The teacher said that the term 'teenager' is a new term to our generation. There was some comment about how we need to be more strict with the teenage boys so that they will understand and value the priesthood more and then, then, the boys will understand their roll. For some stupid reason I raised my hand and said that there is no way at the age of 12 the YM can comprehend the greatness of the Priesthood, but that's okay because it's a process. Oh, and to make it fair I also said that 12 year old girls don't understand what it is like to be a mother at that age. Hell, I'm still trying to figure that one out, but again, my point was it's okay. It's a process and the power of the atonement comes into play with the process.

A newlywed young lady raised her hand and said I disagree with you. My husband knew his responsibility at the age of 12. I understood what it was to be a mother at the age of 12...

and then conflict ensued... she wouldn't hear me out and kept talking over me, I wouldn't hear her out because I think it's cow turd that anyone can understand anything at the age of 12. Well, she did remind me that the Savior was about his fathers work at that age... um.. ya because he's like a God and all.

uh... awkward...

big fat ol' Sunshine opened her freaking mouth.. (sorry Arelene t'was your daughter I am talking about)

Of course after she walked out I felt horrible... because I am a big fat meany.

sigh...

another day in the life of the bless-ed.