Being talked about

Women talk. We talk about everything there is to talk about. We talk about the weather, friends, boyfriends, sex, kids, cooking, and most importantly we talk about each other. I like to know what is going on with other people and I have no problem asking. If they don't want to tell me they shouldn't, but the thing I have discovered about people is they can't keep a secret. That being said it sucks when you are the person being talked about.

In May I went to PTA convention. I loved it. On this trip I also discovered that not every woman has a husband like mine. My husband is a mans man. He burps, farts and scratches. Not every man out there feels an overwhelming need to fart at the dinner table. In some countries it would be a compliment, but to me, it is my life, definitely my life. Not only does my husband burp and fart he has a mind that is constantly in the gutter, and unfortunately being married to him means that mine is right there too.

I discovered that most people don't like talking about 'those' things (ie burping, farting, scratching, sex). Most disappointing. Really do they not know that the average person passes gas 14 times a day. The average person has sex at least 1 a week. The average person . . well you get the picture. So why is it that . . yes I am leading up to something . . sex is such a taboo subject? Sex. There I said it. Why do people feel so uncomfortable talking about the very thing that Heavenly Father gave us to enjoy? I don't know. Maybe it is Mormons, or rather, Mormons that really don't understand the gift of sex. Now, just so you don't think I am really crazy there are things that you just don't talk about. No specifics.

Now to my point. At PTA convention I was the entertainment. I didn't even get paid for it, but nonetheless I can make people laugh. So, when you leave the conversation solely up to me, it will naturally end up on sex. You don't like it, change the subject. Here's the problem, no one would change the subject. NO ONE! I even tried to change the subject by asking everybody what ten things can you not live without. Out of the seven women that were there I think 2 responded. Then, guess where the conversation ended up? That's right on sex.

So then I hear, that one woman was uncomfortable about the content of the conversation. The problem is she told me to my face, (yes, to my face) that she was fine with it and that the way I talked reminded her of her niece. She didn't say anything about being uncomfortable to me. Dumb, I tell ya, dumb, and kind of frustrating. You don't like the entertainment, leave, make your own, or at least have the guts to say how you really feel. My friend had to stop me.

The really sucky part is, I still don't think I did anything wrong. The bigger, sucky part, I was talked about. I know people talk about me, but I don't want to know that people talk about me. It makes ones constitution a little weak, if you know what I mean.

Maybe this is my karma getting me back for all those mean things I have said about others. Humpf...Karma... I thought karma was supposed to be good.

Friends

Okay, so I have three kids. There is a family that we met that also has three kids that are the same age as my children. They play together. Generally most times one mom takes all of the kids while the other mom gets to do whatever she wants to do. Love it. I finally figured out that I was wasting my time cleaning my house. I three hours or so by myself and I have been cleaning my house? I don't think so. I don't think so.

Well now I have a problem. I feel guilty. She has taken my kids several times while I have gallivanted across the world, okay, really just shopping the movies, but I want to pay her back now. I don't want it to build and build and build so that in one week I watch the kids everyday. I don't like doing that. She keeps telling me that she will cash in. I try to pay her back the next day, but she doesn't seem to want to take it. Ahhh what to do. . . ?

Well, I am going to do something that is kind of hard for me to do. I am going to go with the flow. Just go with the flow baby. Stop resisting. I don't know.... resisting is what I do. .

Wish me luck.

Awesome Friends

I have awesome friends.

I got flowers today from one of those awesome friends.

I love you Heather. Thanks you so much for cheering me up. I love your 'good intentions' they totally worked with me. The arrangement is so beautiful and it smells so good. I love flowers. I love that somebody other than my husband thinks I am special enough for flowers. oooohhhh..... I feel so special!!!

Not Needed

I no longer feel needed by a wonderful friend. It pisses me off. I feel hurt, and lost and alone without her. I want to write a novel about what change takes from us, but the right words don't seem to be coming, which means to me the less the better, so change took me being needed.

I think I am mad at change.

I know change is good, but really.... do you have to take away a persons sense of belonging? Sense of feeling needed?

Really.

How rude.

I want things to go back to me needing her and her needing me.

That sounds weird.

How rude.

Bothersome Bugs

Oh my land. Can I tell you how much I hate bugs. Creepy crawly...icky, yucky bugs. Hate, hate, hate them. A couple of days ago I was at my friends house and we were enjoying a lovely conversation when up from downstairs came three very loud girls. My friends two daughters and my daughter were all screaming about a bug. Ya, (roll the eyes) It's probably just a small bug, you know like a cricket, earwig or something. No big deal. So, downstairs us two moms went. My friend stopped in the bathroom grabbed a liner and a tissue. I kind of follow not knowing exactly where the bug was hiding. She pulls back her daughters covers and low and behold to my absolute horror it was no small bug lurking on the sheets. It was this: Me and my friend see it at the same time. She hollers, and I mean hollers at her husband who was down the hall. He doesn't respond, nor do I, as I stand there staring at this enormous bug. My friend, being the brave one, grabs a dustpan and starts trying to maneuver the bug into the liner. I didn't know what to do so I start dancing around the room flicking off imaginary bugs while my friend was doing the dirty work. (her house, let her deal with the bug) Icky, yucky.... right as she gets the bug into the bag she lets out the loudest blood curtling scream I have ever heard from an adult women who was not in the movies, nor was her life in danger by a giant falling rock, ... her husband walks into the room seconds later... he saw the bug and started laughing. We walk up stairs with the bug held at least twenty feet from both of us and head outside. I decide, the genius that I am, that I want to take a look one more time and as I open the bag my friend yelps again to try to scare me. I get wigged out and throw the bag. I look up laughing and see the construction workers across the street staring at us. Then she grabs the bag as it is floating in the wind (probably not to litter) opens the bag to let the bug out, screams one more final time and I just stand back in amazement, ugly sick thing... we start laughing so hard the pee almost comes. You know the laugh? Pee, it was right there, I could feel it.

So, the name? Jerusalem Cricket

Lazy

So, today I have been lazy. I have been working out for the past month and today... well.. 'grandma' came to visit and I couldn't for the life of me get out of bed. I generally wake up at 7 and go running-walking. I have really enjoyed doing that, but today... all life force was sucked out of me.

I took a nap today. It felt wonderful. I just wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep.

Maybe I wasn't so lazy today. I got my bathroom cleaned. My son is either peeing the garbage can or our toilet leaks because I noticed a very unpleasant odor yesterday and looked in the garbage can and all the tissues in there were wet. Go figure. My 3 year old likes to try crazy things. He pooped in a bucket so why not pee in a garbage can? Silly boy.

My husband comes home today. He works out of town and I think I am getting closer and closer to wanting him home for good, but then I wonder about the adjustment and not just for me, but the kids. This year it would be fun and exciting to have him home. I have a job opportunity. Nothing fancy. I would be in charge of the Sally Foster cookie dough fundraising for Cedar City and St. George area. I would be traveling down there quite a bit, I think, and it would be nice if Cevin was home. I haven't even got the job, so I don't know, but it would be nice. I am scared. I had to fill out the application and it has been 9 years since I have had a job. What do I write down? Fake it, I guess...

So, I have been watching Swing Town. Interesting show. I like it, but it is so riskaaa... you know? I mean for crying out loud it is about having sex with multiple partners. What is interesting about it is the self identity conflict. One woman doesn't know what she really wants out of life. How many times have I been there? She likes her best friends husband and the viewers find out that her husband might be having an affair. It is so totally soap opera, but done on a much classier level. I have often wondered what my life would be like if I hadn't grown up LDS. I am now wondering if that is something that I would try. Maybe, maybe not.

There... that is my life.

Sweetness of life

I have been on a journey trying to discover what it means to have the sweetness of life. A friend of mine, whom I trust immensely, told me that I needed to find the sweetness of life. That is not an easy thing to come by. What does it even mean?

I emailed another friend of mine and started complaining about my life, or rather, I was explaining why it was she woke up a million times thinking of me. Last week everything happened at once. We came to Wyoming, my 'grandmother' came to visit, and I discovered that I am actually depressed.

What a winning combination. So, I can tell you, the sweetness of life was not with me last week. In fact, it was very, very, very far away. Now that 'grandma' has left I can venture out with the sweetness. So, back to my friend that I emailed. I was telling her my life's experiences and mentioned discovering what the sweetness of life was. She said she believes that it is reading the scriptures and studying the prophets. She mentioned the fact that you can find all sorts of answers in the scriptures. It is true. So... that is my focus. I will read the scriptures more to find the sweetness of life. I know there are sweet and precious things in the scriptures, but I want the joy. I want to feel happy when I wake up in the morning. I want to be nice to my kids. I want to have fun with them and talk with them. My daughter is already 8 years old and I am already seeing her maturity. I know, she is 8, but she is starting the road to hormones. AAhh, what a day that will be. Hormones, how fun. I forget how quickly kids grow.

So, back to sweetness.. I want sweetness, I want joy, I want happiness. So, anyone out there...what is the key to the sweetness of life? Maybe the scriptures will indeed tell me.