Crazy Train

I have a one way ticket to crazy town riding on my very own crazy train. Yes folks! I'm craaaaaaazy!

Hubster went out of town again. It's really good that he has a job, but it really sucks for my social life which is, by the way, nonexistent. I really shouldn't complain, I mean, really I was the one that decided that I wanted to have another kid. I know, I told you I was on the crazy train.

It always takes me a day or two of completely zoning out before I can get into the groove of him being gone, but today I can't (zone out that is). I have to go to a program at the school for my 8 year old. I mean, really, why do we have programs so late in the year. I want to just check out and enjoy the fact that there are only a couple more days until school is out.

We ordered an inflatable water slide for the kids. My friend has one and I have been wanting to get one for a long time and finally I did. It won't come until next week or so, but we are excited to start using it. The only problem is this stupid weather. It's been so...dumb! It will warm up for 2 days and then a storm will come through, then it will get really cold, then warm up again, then cold again, then warm again, then cold...well you get the picture.

Hopefully we will have a summer.

This pumping thing, though, I'm really truly starting to struggle with it. I love that I can make milk for my little baby. I love that he likes my milk, but it's getting to a point where it's almost more of a hassle to pump then to go to the store and buy some formula. We haven't checked again yet to see if his allergies have gone down. It sure would be nice.

I think that I have resigned myself to the fact that he won't nurse. It doesn't matter what time of day I try he still doesn't like it. I have been telling myself for a while now that I will just try for one more month, or until he's four months old, or 5 months and I will stop pumping. In July he will be 6 months and I think (honestly this time) that July is about as far as I can go. June is even pushing it.

I know my heart will still hurt when I'm done. It hurts even after a year of nursing (but normally I'm so done with it that it seems easier to let go). This time, though, it will be particularly painful. For a while I had hope that once he got bigger he would fancy the breast, but he just doesn't.

Sniff....