Update

Yesterday after I left the hospital I drove home crying at the diagnosis they gave me. Failure to Thrive... ouch, for some reason that hurt. Anyway, I pulled into the garage and just sat there and cried. I wiped the tears, opened the car door and got out. My husband heard me pull up and walked out into the garage. He looked handsome all ready for church, and then he asked me what had happened and once again I couldn't hold back the tears. I sobbed and in between the sobs I blurted out that our son was starving. He just held me and let me cry.

I can't tell you how many people I told. It was enough that it gave me a cry headache, you know, the ones right in the front of your forehead. I cried a lot yesterday. I needed to cry. I wasn't filled with guilt, because I know there was no way of knowing my son was starving until this point. I wasn't angry either, just sad that I could have caught it sooner... maybe. My dad told my sister when her son was diagnosed with Leukemia, you caught it when you needed to. Likewise, I caught this when I needed to.

Later in the day after the tears subsided my problem solving hat was put on, and quite frankly, I'm very happy with what I was able to do after the wave of emotions I experienced. I knew the Dr would want to know how much my son was eating, so I starting pumping. I was able to pump 2 oz in a 20 min period, which is pretty good for nursing. The problem was, my son wasn't nursing for 20 mins. He would nurse maybe 5 mins here, 5 mins there, but never a good solid 20 mins. Then I feed him as much as I could feed that kid. After each feeding I wrote down how much he ate, what kind it was and what his diaper situation was like. When I went to see the dr today he was very happy that I wrote everything down. Woo Hoo.. point for me!

All day my son ate, or so it felt like. He took the best nap he has ever taken and now looking back on the past month, he wasn't sleeping because he was hungry, he wasn't eating because he was weak, and he would only really eat when he was starving. A very vicious cycle, and now looking back I can see what was happening. There were no red flags, nothing really super wrong, just hints here and there. The puzzle is all put together now I know what was happening.

I think I might have just found the best Ped Dr. every. He sat in the room and talked to me for about 45 mins. He asked me questions, told me his concerns, listened to me talk and explain what had been happening. After all of that he did some blood work and told me that my baby was a little dehydrated. Then we talked some more. He told me he will let me continue to nurse, but I have to supplement. If my son doesn't start gaining an oz a day I will have to stop nursing and solely bottle feed. There are pro's and con's to bottle feeding.... if I have to stop, at least there is something... um.. fun.. dare I say, that could come out of bottle feeding. It's called, 'I can sleep through the night while husband feeds baby', or 'I can go out with friends to a movie'... or freedom. Yet, with that freedom I know I would miss the bonding time I would get with him. I'm not saying that being on a bottle wouldn't still allow for it, but I would just miss him being so close. One day at a time is what we will take this... one day at a time.

Thanks for all your prayers and support.