Joy 365 Day 9-10 Fasting

I don't know if I have expressed this on my blog or not, but I don't like to fast. When fast Sunday comes along I find myself dragging my feet, so years ago I decided that I wasn't going to fast because all I felt like I was really doing is starving myself, and I don't like starving for no reason. I haven't received a testimony of the fast so I don't do it often.

Last week I found out that a lady in our ward is pregnant and there could be complications with the baby. The Doc's are worried that the little tyke might have Spina bifida. The parents to be need to travel up North and get more testing done to make sure, but in the meantime the ward decided to have a special fast for the family.

Well, seeing how I have been talking about Joy 365 I decided it was time to do something that I haven't done in a long while. That's right! I decided to fast. It wasn't a true 24 hour fast, but I did fast for 2 complete meals. When I opened the fast I didn't know what to say. Honestly I felt kind of silly asking Heavenly Father to cure/heal the baby so I just asked him to bestow the blessings on the family that they needed. I figure He knows best.

The best part my fast was I slept through most of it. I started it Saturday night after dinner. Since we have church at 9 it wasn't to difficult to skip breakfast. but I tell ya when we got home from church at 12 those sandwiches that the family was eating up looked really good. Then, to distract myself I put the babe down for a nap and then headed upstairs to sleep away the next couple of hours. I decided that I would last much longer if I was completely checked out. It worked perfectly.

When I woke up this morning I felt really good. I'm not so sure I felt anymore spiritual than I did on Saturday (actually if you were to ask my husband he would report that I was somewhat of a brat Sunday-- sorry babe). I didn't feel like I had received any witness of anything, but today I felt better. More alive? More.. better. Kind of like the feeling I get after I exercise. It's painful waking up in the morning, getting myself ready, getting on the treadmill and sweating, but after it's over I feel good.

Today as I was going about my day I had a weird thought. It's weird because as you can tell from above I don't really like to starve myself, however, I think I might be able to fast once a month after all. Heaven knows I have plenty of reasons to fast. There are a lot of areas that I could use some help (if my pride doesn't get in the way). Plus, I thought of all my other friends that need a little pick me up. So, I might (notice I said might-- can't commit yet) to fasting once a month.

Shrug.

Go figure.

So, for Saturday and Sunday my Joy 365 was fasting.

Today, I cleaned out my desk and went through all my old coupons. It took me almost an hour to do (granted I was on the phone with my sister while trying to read expiration dates so that may be why it took longer) but I love the feeling I get when I sit down at my organized desk.

What did you do?

Joy 365 Day 8

Today I was talking to my husband and I told him of a conversation that my friend and I had the other day about laundry. I was at her house and her son came upstairs with his laundry basket and everything was folded so nicely and in groups. You know, shirts in one pile, pants in another. I was impressed and said something to her about it. She humpffed and told me that it wasn't her that did it. No, it was her husband. He's kind of obsessive compulsive when it comes to piles. She then went on to explain how he doesn't criticize her cleaning ever, but he did mention one day that she wasn't very good at laundry. She agreed.

So, today I had the bright idea of asking my husband if there was a job in the house that I wasn't good at. I know! I know, kind of a loaded question and I half wanted to know. He did the best to answer and tried to explain that I'm somewhere between his mother who cleans EVERYTHING. ALL. OF. THE. TIME! and my mother who has more recently turned into somewhat of a pack rat.

I'm stuck somewhere between acceptance and denial. I mean, if I'm truly honest with myself I'm not THAT great of a cleaner. The reason being is it's work, and me no likey work! I don't like to sweat, or anything that is hard, thus my body weight is what it is because of that. I want to be a good cleaner, but I rather not clean out the window track where the moths and spiders have been having a vampire fest in the window sill; or clean out the dried up laundry detergent caked onto the floor in the wash room. I rather play on facebook, or write this incredibly inspiring blog post. That's what I would rather do, but my wonderful friend inspired me to clean more. Seems like I'm not the only person that doesn't enjoy cleaning.

I made a pledge (sort of) and so I'm going to stick to it as best I can. Since my mild no clean coma began somewhere around Monday when my kitchen got pulled out I haven't cleaned anything; however, since yesterday I have a semi functioning kitchen again and I've been able to clean.

Today, for my Joy 365 I washed down the door to my garage, the garbage can, the fridge, the stove and the floor around the 4 items. Finished my laundry and even put the rugs in the kitchen in to be washed. I'm also going to have an apple with my lunch today.

Here's to keep on keeping on. Cheers!

Joy 365 Day 7

I know that I have missed a couple days in the Joy 365. We just decided to pull out the rest of our Kitchen and I have been living in chaos since Monday. It's stressed me out some. I don't like my kitchen in chaos. If it is really dirty I start freaking out, and by freaking out I mean I turn into the Tasmanian devil with a whirlwind of words instead of dirt around me. I'm not nice when chaos happens, so I've been hiding in my little corner of the house doing absolutely nothing because all I see is how messy my kitchen is, and the laundry is piling up, and the toilet needs cleaning, and the baby is crying, and the kids are puking, and... and... and... I can't. handle. chaos.

The cupboards are put back in and we have a makeshift sink and counter tops until they get installed in a couple of weeks. Pray for me people. Pray for me.

But, big shout out to my wonderful, exceptionally talented, most remarkable husband who made this project last only a couple of days instead of weeks and weeks and weeks. Bless him, he knows me well enough to know that I need no chaos. I'm nicer to him without chaos. Thanks again babe. OH, and the kitchen looks AWESOME! I'm so excited for the counter tops and the flooring to get put in.

Now, back to Joy/Clean 365: The joy part is I have been waking up at 7:00 in the morning so that I can get back to some semblance of exercise. It's really kicking my butt. I don't like waking up when it's dark outside. Really looking forward to next year when my 10 year old goes to middle school and has to get on the bus at 7:00 AM. That'll be fun. *rolls eyes*

I've been exercising and that brings me some type of Joy. You know, that hidden eventually I will be joyful when this hard work pays off, type of joy. Delayed gratification. At some point you have to learn it. Guess now that I'm 32 its about time to embrace that concept. *deep breath* Yes, it's time.

Anyway, I also did my laundry today. I need to find one more thing to clean that isn't the normal, normal clean. Okay, I will clean off the computer desk. It needs a good dusting.

So, any of you clean anything good lately?

Joy 365!

My friend wrote this post. It's a really good read about what she is doing for the next 365 days. I wanted to do something similar. Instead of Clean365 I'm going to do Happy 365, which will be a combination of different aspects of my life.

I have wanted to become a happier person, but have been struggling to find the joy in the journey now. So, that is what I would like to do for the next 364, 363 days left of 2011.

Each day I would like to find something, do something that gives me Joy. It may be cleaning, exercising, meditating, singing, playing the piano, something artistic-- something that gives me joy.

I need a good dose of joy these days, especially after the craptastic 2010 I experienced.

Today, on Day 2 of Joy 365, I cleaned off my bedside table, pulled it out, vacuumed underneath and in the corner, cleaned off the moth guts that were on the wall above the bedside table and dusted a picture that was hanging on the wall. That made me happy because it was something I have wanted to do in, like, forever, and something that has felt somewhat overwhelming. I wonder what Joy 365 day 3 will bring.

Hopefully I will be able to document all that I have done each day. Good luck with your resolutions.

Ego Punch

So............. I guess I'm not as wonderful as I think I am. I know! What's that all about? And why the crap not? I can sing, I can dance (may not be pretty, but I can shake my booty). I make cute babies... I ... like... other... people?! So, why don't people think I'm as good as I think I am?

Shrug

Beats me.

But, they are stupid so...

Yep, there I am back at the top of my own greatness.

...er...

Sigh. I got an ego punch again in YW's today. You know my last post where I complained about my stupendous, amazing wonderfully perfect and totally rocktastic talents? Ya, they got unused, again, and to add insult to injury they used lemon juice when they rejected me.

I almost got up and left the room, but then I thought otherwise because I didn't want to be that cry baby that can't handle a little rejection. The one that everyone has to feel sorry for, and oh now we hurt her feelings and now we have to dote. I don't like doting. I just wanted to stand upon my chair and shout with a loud voice... ya, I got nothing. It just really hurt my feelings. And, now I shall have a pity party for myself, yet again.

I guess I have way to much pride because this humble pie taste like crap!

I've had enough, thankyouverymuch! Who wants a bite? I'm really going at sharing.

Attitude Adjustment

I think it's been a long time coming. It's something I've needed and something that I am still resisting. I was put back into the young women as a floater of sorts. I help where it is needed, but the thing is, they don't really need me. I think, somehow, I need them. I don't like admitting that I need anyone especially young women. The week that I got sustained and attended class we start learning music for Night in Excellence. At first I was kind of asked to be a part of the music, but then it turned out someone else was really in charge. Ego punch. I know that I'm not that good, but I know music and know how to play the piano (so in my mind that makes me a pro). They used someone else. She did a fine job. The music was beautiful and had some really great messages in it, but I wanted to do it.

I resisted feeling the spirit. I resisted crying when it hit home, when the music said something I so desperately needed to hear. I ignored it because all I could see was how my talents weren't being used. Selfish, self-centered brat I am--

Now, it's getting hard to push the spirit away. Last year the YW did an amazing Night in Excellence program that was written by Jenny Phillips. It has a lot to do with the pioneers, (something else I like to ignore) anyway, they were asked to put the program on for the Stake as a fireside. It is some dang good music and it's getting harder and harder to resist the spirit espeically when you hear words like "joy is in the journey", or "to many people are just sliding by, plugged into the world but missing the meaning of life"... cough, cough... um...

He wants to touch my heart and make me cry and I don't want him to. He wants me to know that my life isn't always the hell hole I make it out to be and mostly he wants to remind me to have a hope in Christ that has been shoved into the deep caverns of my soul. When I hear the song "Joy is in the Journey" I want to rebel even further, but somehow the music touches me.

I still feel unused, but slowly, I'm letting the light back in. I know I miss Him, and I hope he misses me. For some of us hard headed idiots it takes a while before we realize that we really do believe in the Atonement and the Savior.

Why does it matter?

I was sitting in sacrament on Sunday, listening as the 2nd counselor began to bare his testimony. It seemed to start off well. He spoke of his testimony of the Savior, of the gospel of Joseph Smith, and then he got all chocked up when he started talking about his recently returned missionary son.

I thought, okay, sometimes they have really amazing stories lets see what this is all about. He started off telling us how his son met this young man and began teaching him about the restored gospel. This young man was not LDS and was taught from a very young age to pray. He had a prayer in his religion that was recited every morning. He didn't give the specific prayer so I'm not sure what he was saying/praying, but to the missionaries he was praying all wrong. I know some religions have a repetitive prayer that is recited everyday and because the young man was reciting this particular prayer everyday the Missionaries felt it was their obligation to help this young man see the light. So, the young missionary and his companion decided that if this young man wasn't going to stop saying this prayer they had to take action, and thus, they took this young mans prayer from him.

Literally! Yes, they took it from him.

They took the sheet of paper that had the prayer on it. They told him that this isn't the way that 'we' pray and that he should 'let go' of this prayer that has practically meant the world to him. The young missionary in all his arrogance told the young man that he would find something to replace it with. According the the missionaries father the young missionary prayed to the Lord asking him for guidance. He felt what he had done was right and needed to find something better to take the place of this young mans prayer.

So he prayed and prayed and struggled finding something to put in it's place. It was getting closer to the baptism of this young man and the missionary still hadn't found anything to replace the prayer with. So, by the sound of the fathers account, the bishop wrote him a letter and gave him some guidance.

How happy the father was that his son listened to his bishop. How proud he was that he followed his priesthood leaders, and how proud and utterly emotional he was that his son taught this young man what prayer was really about. *rolls eyes*

I wanted to vomit!

Seriously! He couldn't have just simply praised the young man for praying. He was probably praying more than most members do. No, they had to tell him he was wrong for saying a repetitive prayer and physically remove the prayer from the young mans presence. By all means, let's add more fuel to the fire and tell all other religions how stupid and wrong and inappropriate their prayers are.

It made me sad because I think the missionary missed a great opportunity to learn something beautiful from some other religion (of course 19 year old boys know everything) (what am I thinking?). He could have done a number of things, one of which I think he should have praised the young man for praying everyday, let him use his same prayer and then showed him (if the young man didn't already know) how to communicate on a more personal note with Heavenly Father. Such a great opportunity was missed.

Now, as an aside, I only got the fathers interpretation of what the son told him so I could be missing some great detail, but the way the father went on about how proud he was that he showed this young man how to pray just baffled me. Well, baffled and slightly disgusted me.

What can you do?